The strongest relationships are the ones in which both partners can be themselves. Intending to change the other person or dramatically changing yourself to fit someone else's ideals dooms couples to failure.
When two people have beliefs or habits that differ too much, it creates friction. For example, if one partner is devoutly religious and the other is not, it might be difficult for the couple to find common ground on the way that the universe functions. When a neat-freak has to put up with the habits of a slob, there will be arguments. Opposites may attract, but they don't always have staying power.
Having two people from completely different worlds can be problematic, but even couples who have a lot in common need to make trade offs sometimes. It's not as though two partners need to be exactly alike, after all. Any healthy relationship involves compromise.
Unresolved small differences can cause huge problems.
One's partners are not their clone. If you stay with anyone long enough, you're going to have disagreements. You can compromise to work through some conflicts, but when the problem illuminates a difference in core values, the dispute becomes personal. Couples may criticize or blame one another for not thinking or behaving in the same way.
When a couple has a disagreement, it is important to have time to communicate about it. In some cases, compromise is not possible. In other cases, the argument was based on a flawed understanding of the situation. Either way, these problems will worsen the relationship if they aren't addressed.
Some compromise more than their partner does.
When people start a relationship, they may be willing to make some sacrifices because they genuinely like the other person and want to be liked. One person may attempt to minimize difference with his or her partner by giving up their own interests.
There is some compromise in this, but because one person gives up more than the other, the relationship is out of balance. Eventually, the person who gives up too much will be exhausted and unhappy.
Some sacrifice way more than they should.
Compromising on core values and beliefs is another recipe for frustration and exhaustion. You can give up small things in the name of love, but if your core values are at stake, this might be a bad match.
You'll see this behavior when one person thinks that they need to change themselves in order to live up to the other person's standards. In this case, one or both parties may have the mistaken belief that there should be no differences between them. Making a partner happy at the expense of one's own happiness only worsens the relationship. In the end, at least one partner is not able to do the things that they value the most.
Compromise only when it makes both happier and better.
There's no such thing as a universal style of compromise because every couple is different. At the same time, successful compromises do share some common characteristics.
Let differences pull you closer to your partner.
It's nearly impossible to find two people who do everything in exactly the same way. Being somewhat different from your partner can make your relationship more fun and exciting. You might get the chance to look at things in a new way, or experience things you wouldn't have tried on your own.
Compromise is a natural part of putting two distinct human beings together. It can be a celebration of our uniqueness. As long as both partners are willing to make adjustments or give things up for the sake of a better relationship, then the process of negotiation will only make you stronger.
You don't have to give up who you are to be in a relationship, but you can work with your partner to bring out the best in one another.
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