WOES OF LIFE, SOUNDS A BIT ODD, RIGHT?

Writing helps me to convey my thoughts and feelings as well as my knowledge and experiences from life, which is why I enjoy doing it. Writing allows me to reflect on other people's lives while also finding comfort and vigor in my own.

What Is Compatibility

Compatibility is a myth; whatever relationship you build you will need to accept some flaws. Mature individuals understand what they can accept and what they can't and establish boundaries for their partners. It's very rare for a long-term relationship to end because of compatibility issues because you have coped together sufficiently fine for a significant period. In shorter term relationships significant differences in opinion prevent them from developing further. Unless you dated the wrong person.

Nobody wants to consider themselves a bad person (we are always the hero in our own story, i.e. protagonist syndrome). We know that cheating on someone will be hurtful. Hence the name. Breaking up doesn't necessarily need to be so traumatic. Its usually worse if you dated a narcissist.

The point of relationships, at least in my opinion, is to learn from them, evolve, and enjoy the ride, especially the good times, and learn from the bad times. Unfortunately, time changes everything. Your ultimate objective should be to be prepared and at your best when you meet the person who could be your life partner. Never get into a new relationship without having learned from your previous one's failings - I mean, "YOUR" failures. Men and women both frequently refer to their ex-wives as crazy bitches or mentally unstable, and women refer to all of their ex-boyfriends as toxic or narcissists. You can't blame them for that.

However, I would strongly advise against labeling others since doing so is a quick emotional fix. If your relationship ended, you shouldn't just say, "well, I won't date people or women like that anymore," since, in all honesty, it's possible that your personality contributed to your partner's toxic, narcissistic, insane, or mentally unstable behavior.

Don't Lose Sight of Yourself

Make sure you never lose sight of yourself. Don't let go of yourself. Don't doubt your own reality, ever. You know you better than anyone else, you have lived with yourself all this time and you will have to live with yourself when you are gone. If you are in this situation, become good at pretending and pretend they are your enemy, because regardless of what they pretend to be and how they pretend to feel, they view you as theirs.

My own standards for stable relationship are fully old-school, tracking back memories to my past - there were always the place I was always allowed to be myself, where my feelings - however silly they may have seemed at the time - were never squelched. I could breathe in, soar even though I am not a social butterfly but scenes were well lit, and air out the details of every petty dispute settled amicably - knowing that I was in the right place, that I was safe, accepted, and at home.

Like a friend would say; "we move!" Why on earth would you want to lose anymore time or energy from sharing your life with someone who took you for granted? Seriously, repeat what I just wrote out loud, yet I see thousands of people changing who they are or becoming fake people in order to not lose someone who's supposed to love them. They panic and freak out because their relationship, how they perceive it is now over. What everyone needs to understand is that every relationship runs it's course, some last for days, months, years, or centuries, and the extremely lucky and or very rare last a lifetime. 

Never love someone who doesn't love you back, the early signs are always there. They were never yours to begin with, humans don't own each other, however it is in our nature to be possessive, and this is one of human kinds greatest flaws, as well as jealousy, ego, pride, and lack of self-control. You were just each others turn in that moment of your lives. This is extremely difficult for people to understand, and some people spend a lifetime never learning this. That being said, it doesn't mean it's not supposed to hurt.

In other hand, from a realist point of view; so the real question begins; Why should I change myself for anybody? Isn't someone supposed to love me for who I am? Yes and no. Think of a relationship like a job or career. You have to behave a certain way in order to maintain employment. If you ever go too far off of what's expected of you, you'll in most cases get spoken to, and if the problem doesn't change, you'll let go. 

People are not 100% of themselves at work, and the reason for that is that if we were 100% ourselves at work, none of us would be employed for long. The truth of the matter all of us have faults, attitudes, and can be a little mean given the right circumstances, at work for the most part we're always on our best behaviour, therefore we're behaving fake. A relationship should be treated the exact same, but the problem is people get comfortable, and once that comfort settles in, these are where the problems between two people become amplified. I'm not saying we should behave fake in a relationship, but I am saying that all of us need to keep ourselves in check from time to time - your head above water. I know is a bit confusing and contradicting. I've been there before and I wished I never dated that kind of person. 

These are all serious character flaws, or learned behavioural patterns, both could have been picked up by your parents, or gained through your childhood all the way through to your adult years, and acquaintances such as friends and colleagues you hang out with. Luckily for anyone reading this, all of these flaws are correctable and learnable life skills. So yes, if any of these are an issue for you, it’s time to start reading/learning how to implement new skills into your next relationship, and I guarantee you it will become more successful.

Changing yourself for someone to make them happier is bad. However, changing yourself so that the change is universal for the world and everyone gets a better version of yourself, and it makes you a better person where everyone benefits, then this is when you should make a change.

An example would be for a woman; Getting a boob job to make her man happy. Sure her guy might be happy, but does the world care if she gets bigger tits? No, no they won’t. Therefore it’s not necessarily a positive universal change where the world gets a better version of herself.

For a guy, learning how not to get so angry about things from the early jump off would be considered a universal change that benefits both his girlfriend and the rest of the world because they’re getting a calmer more patient version of you as a man. However, beware also, if you make a change for someone, then the fair thing to do is for them to make a universal change that compliments your anger change, or your personality's may still clash also, because like I mentioned prior, relationships take two, and some women can be equally aggressive and angry.

Obviously you want someone to love you for who you are, but if who you are is:

- Abusive

- Controlling

- Argumentative

- Passive Aggressive

- Manipulative

- Over-jealous

- Insecure

- Don’t work for a living (male or female)

- Majority of your friends are the opposite sex, (this is a killer in romantic relationships) both male or female, and nobody can be that secure in life, it's not in human nature. And if they say they are, I would then question their commitment to you, or question if they have attachment issues.

 

- Quick Tempered

- Lack conflict resolution skills

- Withhold sex from a partner due to punishment

- Have childlike life skills (Don't cook or clean up after yourself)

- Lack Empathy

- Unappreciative

Article Credit: My best girl Nnennaya "Cynnena" "China" Cynthia