HOW TO COPE WITH BEING CHEATED ON
For reference, I was in a long-term relationship for 3 years. So, what does getting cheated on by your best friend and lover feel like? Especially if you're blindsided by it; catching the other red-handed?
Well, it feels like every nerve in your body has either frozen or left your vessel completely. Your body literally enters a state of shock; adrenaline. You are absolutely stripped. Vulnerability. Disbelief. Disgust. Horror. Anger. Confusion. Shattering, crippling.
Traumatizing heart-break. I did not know I was capable of feeling these emotions. There is absolutely nothing like it. Then, after a few horrible, slow days, you start getting angry; you start blaming yourself. There are moments where you may literally see red.
Trust, honesty and respect are necessary in a relationship, and this person just shattered all three at once. You have been the victim of an emotional crime. You ask yourself, how could this person fuck me over like this? I trusted him. I loved him. I was loyal to him.
I kept my end of the fucking bargain. How could you emotionally manipulate me? What was I lacking? Am the problem? Truly sickening, reality-twisting, mind-fucking stuff. Someone said exercise helps. Many animals have learned how to get rid of stress that manifests in the body.
And this release happens when animals "shake the stress off." Humans have not learned this innately. She said try to think about exercise in this way. You are shaking off this person's bullshit; their moral burdens. Do this as much as you can; as much as you need.
"It really, really helps. And do not contact them. Unless it is a complex situation. Please vow to yourself that this person will never be worth your time again. You will start healing immediately. I promise." She opined.
Listen, there's a lot of fucked up people in this world, but cheating is a despicable act. it's cowardly. It's weak. It's pathetic. It's a moral character flaw that has nothing to do with your worth; it has to do with their emptiness.
You will see this in time - assurance to self - Do not listen to their manipulation or gaslighting, this is only a mirror - a pure, honest reflection - of their self worth. In our short, beautiful time on earth, the greatest gift a person can receive is LOVE.
Imagine scoring someone amazing and loyal, who loves you for YOU and all of you. How could you ever throw something that precious away, hell, ABSOLUTELY SHIT on them? You couldn't. That's because it doesn't feel good to be abusive asshole to others, and you.
You're not an asshole like your partner. This was not your fault. YOU ARE SURVIVING A TRAUMATIZING EVENT RIGHT NOW. Read that again! I know that you will not believe this Nnennaya, but you have been given one of the greatest gifts in life: You are now FREE - assurance to self.
You are no longer blindly shackled to someone who would risk your beautiful, humanly love, for a cowardly cheap thrill. There's no excuse for a conscious choice that destroys the very fabric of any relationship. Especially one where there's romantic intimacy. Trust is everything.
In the wise words of the Beyonce (who has ALSO been cheated on), "when you hurt me, you hurt yourself. When you play me, you play yourself. When you lie to me, you lie to yourself. You're only lying to yourself" (song: Don't Hurt Yourself, from Lemonade).
Fuck that person. You will come out of this as a stronger, more resilient person that has far more depth. You will meet someone who has shared this pain, and who would never commit such a crime. You will have your happily ever after and this is part of the plan.
You now have a responsibility, and that is taking your life back. You got this. People suck, but you don't. You are the proof that there are good people out there.
Signing off as a survivor; never a victim.
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