Differentness: Your Unique Badge
Your difference is Your Emblem
Some individuals use niceness as a tactic to manipulate others...
Discover the true meaning of kindness and how it can be cultivated in everyday life. Learn how to move beyond expectations of recognition and reward to embrace selfless acts that make a positive impact.
Anybody who has to spell it out to the world that he/she is a good person, most times is not a good person. You are judged by the works of your hands and if the world around you hasn't seen you in such light and you have to keep saying it, it means you are NOT a good person.
However, here is my thought about this; I've come to realize that you don't need to proclaim your goodness; your actions speak louder than words. There's no need to seek validation from others, as your character is revealed through your deeds. Some people may think they can judge a person's potential at first glance, but true worth is demonstrated through actions, not words.
If actions speak louder than words, then let your deeds be the proof of your character. There's no need to boast about your goodness or seek validation from others. While some may think they can judge a person's potential by appearance, it's your actions that truly reveal your worth.
The reality is that many individuals who claim to be good people are often self-deceived, and their actions betray their true nature. Unlike other human traits, goodness isn't a spectrum, but rather a distinct characteristic. Unfortunately, there are more individuals with questionable morals than genuinely good ones. These individuals often feel compelled to justify themselves, boasting about their supposed good deeds to mask their shortcomings. In contrast, truly good people let their actions speak for themselves, while those with poor character rely on words to compensate for their lack of positive actions. Ultimately, people can see through the facade and recognize the kind of person you truly are, making self-proclamation unnecessary.
A friend mentioned to me, “You know I have a good heart.” I smiled and responded that they didn't need to voice that. I've learned that true character shines through actions, not words. The greatest validation comes from others recognizing and acknowledging your character without you having to claim it yourself.
When another friend claimed he could gauge someone's capabilities at first glance, I posed a question: “Have you ever trusted someone implicitly, only to discover you didn't know them at all?” I pointed out that trusting someone is the only way to truly know them, yet there are no guarantees. Demanding someone “earn our trust” essentially means asking them to be flawless and never trigger uncomfortable emotions – an unrealistic expectation. My friend pondered this, nodded in agreement, and conceded, “You're right.”
Life has taught some of us a harsh lesson: loyalty is not something you can control or demand from others, no matter how kind or good you are to them. You can't guarantee that others will reciprocate your loyalty or treat you with the same level of dedication and commitment.
I've grown cautious of individuals who feel the need to highlight their own goodness. If they're truly virtuous, wouldn't their actions speak for themselves? Perhaps they're seeking validation due to underlying insecurities about how others perceive them. Through years of experience and adulthood, I've come to understand that people exist on a spectrum of good and not-so-good qualities. Trust is a personal decision, and the world is rarely black and white. Regular church attendance, for instance, doesn't necessarily define someone's character. Even the most well-intentioned individuals can make mistakes, while those with questionable reputations can surprise us with acts of kindness. Ultimately, it's up to each of us to discern who to trust.
Not everyone's kind actions are motivated by genuine goodness. Some individuals use niceness as a tactic to manipulate others, exploiting their desire to be seen as trustworthy, a good friend, or a good person. They cleverly tap into the social norms of kindness, using it as a means to curry favor and gain an advantage, rather than acting selflessly.
That's not kindness, that's manipulation. It's not about being a good person, it's about using others for personal gain. When someone exploits others' desire to be seen as good, they're not demonstrating genuine goodness themselves.
Some individuals have a habit of keeping score, meticulously tracking the good deeds they've done for others. They often bring up these actions in conversation, boasting about their supposed niceness and implying that their kindness entitles them to recognition, praise, or even reciprocation.
It's a way for them to feel superior and boost their self-image, convincing themselves that they're more kind and virtuous than others. By keeping track of their good deeds and broadcasting them to others, they're attempting to validate their own goodness and feel better about themselves by comparison.
Kindness isn't a competition; it's not about winning or losing. The most you can do is act with genuine goodness and hope that it's appreciated. True kindness is selfless, not seeking recognition or reward, but simply doing good for its own sake.
While it's challenging to put into practice, the true value of being a good and nice person lies in the genuine recognition of others, unsolicited and unprompted. When your kindness is acknowledged without you seeking to highlight it, that's when it holds the most meaning and significance.
I'm not trying to create hard and fast rules here. Life is messy, and what works in one situation may not work in another. I'm just highlighting the importance of selflessness and genuine kindness, without expecting anything in return. That being said, there are certainly times when asking for help or reminding others of our support is necessary and appropriate.
I've noticed that when someone uses guilt to obligate you to return a favor or reciprocate kindness, it can be a red flag indicating their initial motivations might not have been entirely altruistic. If someone is genuinely kind or helpful, they don't typically keep score or expect something in return; they simply act with goodwill. But when someone uses guilt to manipulate your response, it may reveal a more self-serving intent behind their original actions.
When people loudly proclaim their good works, it can be a veiled tactic to assert their moral superiority, making others feel inferior or less accomplished by comparison. This behavior can be a form of indirect one-upmanship, where the goal is to impress and gain admiration, rather than simply sharing kindness for its own sake.
People often find it convenient to highlight their own kindness when they expect something in return, whether it's praise, recognition, or a sense of moral superiority. This transactional approach to niceness can undermine the authenticity of their actions, revealing a hidden agenda rather than a genuine desire to help others.
The true test of kindness lies not in seeking recognition, but in humility. It's far more challenging to quietly demonstrate compassion and empathy, trusting that others will acknowledge and appreciate our efforts without needing to be prompted.
What I've come to understand is that it's not the outward display of kindness that truly matters, but the motivations and intentions that lie beneath. The authenticity and sincerity behind our actions are what hold real value.
The good news is that I've learned to coexist with my own thoughts, and I've come to realize that getting to know my fearful mind is a worthwhile endeavor. Why? Because it's a constant companion that's hardwired into my psyche - it's not going anywhere! It's the same innate self-protective instinct that served me as a child, guiding me through uncertain situations and helping me uncover essential truths. Now, it's evolved and matured, still driving me to seek safety and security, but in more complex and subtle ways. By acknowledging and understanding my fearful mind, I can learn to navigate its concerns and intuition, rather than trying to silence or evict it.
The essence of being a good person lies in your motivations. You don't do good things to be seen or recognized; you do them because they align with your values and principles. You act with kindness, empathy, and compassion without expecting anything in return, simply because it's who you are.
While it's true that doing good deeds without expectation of recognition is a hallmark of kindness, it's also human nature to crave appreciation and acknowledgment. It can be challenging to continue doing good when our initial efforts go unappreciated, as it can feel like our actions are undervalued or overlooked.
In conclusion, kindness is a complex and multifaceted trait that involves doing good deeds without expecting recognition or reward. While it's natural to desire appreciation and gratitude, true kindness is about selfless actions that align with our values and principles. It's important to recognize that everyone has the capacity for kindness, and even small acts can make a significant impact. By understanding and embracing our own motivations and limitations, we can cultivate a more genuine and compassionate approach to kindness. Ultimately, kindness is a journey, not a destination, and it's the sincerity and consistency of our actions that truly matter.
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